The "Cold War" Continues!
Germ Insurgency Grows in Response to Massive Immune Counter-Attack
JYVÄSKYLÄ, Finland, Jan. 25 - At noon today, Kevin's nasal cavity experienced a series of sudden and apparently uncoordinated instances of massive congestion. Several immigrant germ groups have denied resonsibility, but sources close to the germs have revealed anger at recent round-ups of active germ troops. Such protests have sparked fears in the Brain of a violent uprising by recently defeated Finnish germs.
Apparently taking it's cues from the current US administration, the Brain's first recation to the germ insurrgency was to do absolutely nothing while causing immense pain for other body systems in the form of a massive headache. Brain spokesperson H. Thalamus said "The headache is a necessary by-product of the brains ongoing effort to root-out possible germ terrorists." This viewpoint was not accepted by all body parts. The Left Hand said "We feel that this most recent headache is the latest in a string of attempts by the brain to exert dominance over all body parts through torture and coersion." The Stomach agreed, saying that "This headache is a warning: this administration fully intends to expel all foreign residents of the body. How far can this policy go? Look, it's one thing to prevent Finnish military germs from causing further damage, but they're talking about banning even yogurt. Everyone loves yogurt! Besides, the bacteria in yogurt do the jobs that most natural body elements scoff at. We need foriegn germs to survive."
Many body residents recall the disasterous policy banning all Japanese food from the body for years after Body War II. Only recently has the body issued an apology - sushi is now one of the most popular and sought-after foods in many regions of the mouth. The Left Hand, in particular, has been vocal with comparisons to Body War II. However, the Brain insists that current Finnish germs are "enemy combatants" and do not deserve assimilation into body systems.
It now seems that further violence and suffering are inevitible. These recent events have contributed to a growing sense of hopelessness amongst many body systems. According to the pancreas, a traditionally neutral organ, "When it comes to germ warfare, nobody wins."
JYVÄSKYLÄ, Finland, Jan. 25 - At noon today, Kevin's nasal cavity experienced a series of sudden and apparently uncoordinated instances of massive congestion. Several immigrant germ groups have denied resonsibility, but sources close to the germs have revealed anger at recent round-ups of active germ troops. Such protests have sparked fears in the Brain of a violent uprising by recently defeated Finnish germs.
Apparently taking it's cues from the current US administration, the Brain's first recation to the germ insurrgency was to do absolutely nothing while causing immense pain for other body systems in the form of a massive headache. Brain spokesperson H. Thalamus said "The headache is a necessary by-product of the brains ongoing effort to root-out possible germ terrorists." This viewpoint was not accepted by all body parts. The Left Hand said "We feel that this most recent headache is the latest in a string of attempts by the brain to exert dominance over all body parts through torture and coersion." The Stomach agreed, saying that "This headache is a warning: this administration fully intends to expel all foreign residents of the body. How far can this policy go? Look, it's one thing to prevent Finnish military germs from causing further damage, but they're talking about banning even yogurt. Everyone loves yogurt! Besides, the bacteria in yogurt do the jobs that most natural body elements scoff at. We need foriegn germs to survive."
Many body residents recall the disasterous policy banning all Japanese food from the body for years after Body War II. Only recently has the body issued an apology - sushi is now one of the most popular and sought-after foods in many regions of the mouth. The Left Hand, in particular, has been vocal with comparisons to Body War II. However, the Brain insists that current Finnish germs are "enemy combatants" and do not deserve assimilation into body systems.
It now seems that further violence and suffering are inevitible. These recent events have contributed to a growing sense of hopelessness amongst many body systems. According to the pancreas, a traditionally neutral organ, "When it comes to germ warfare, nobody wins."
posted by Kevin at 7:40 AM
4 Comments:
I agree with your mom, Kevin. Stop eating all that broccoli and get your act together, young man!
Moms = good! Thanks for worrying about me, mom! I'm actually doing ok today (the 26th). Yesterday, when I wrote that post, I thought that I was getting a sinus infection, but today I seem ok again. I am still having to sleep way too much (~10 hours per night), and having a lot of trouble waking up, despite the blue light (you can't turn it on if you can't get out of bed!). Illke, my finnish tutor, says that sleeping too much is common in the winter and that it is often caused by not drinking enough water (he added that coffee is also used to combat this problem). It's strange - I often wake up and feel woozy like I've been sedated. Illke says this is a common side-effect of being dehydrated over night, and that Finns often suffer from this.
I was just joking about the pancreas. I don't know what it does either, and it's not really bothering me :) Sorry to scare you!
I started eating brocolli because Hannah made me. Often I would come home from work and not have any food, and Hannah has a Jewish Grandmother complex sometimes. So she would make sure I ate some of whatever she was eating, and sometimes it included brocolli. At this point I really only like it in stir-fry, but can tolerate it other ways. I still can't really manage to get through a whole plate of plain, steamed brocolli.
Hope you're well!
It's hard not to agree with my mother.
Yeah, whenever I go to Colorado, I always have that woozy, overslept, sedated feeling when I wake up every morning, and it's always from being dehydrated. Finland: what a great place it is where you get to wake up with a hangover, whether or not you were actually drinking the night before!
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